Career Moms, Career or Moms?

I’m no stranger to being judged unfairly based on something superficial, I’m too white to be malay, too malay to be taken seriously, too green, too young to be important, too old to be fresh, too pretty to be smart and as if that wasn’t bad enough, i’m also a mother of 2.

What does that (being a mother) mean? Means it’s harder to get placed out station, harder to be sent on work trips, harder to go frankly anywhere under short notice. But like most working mom’s will tell you, that isn’t really a deal breaker. You actually can, consider us for these roles, as mothers we are versatile, and flexible. How else do we adapt to growing a tiny creature, full day meetings and all night feeds?

It’s no secret that mothers in the office are treated like fragile creatures. Like somehow having a baby made us sensitive, soft and less hungry to succeed. Sure we like to go home early if we can… but I don’t see how this is different from a single person wanting to leave early to go meet up at a bar or catch a movie with friends.

Where am I going with this?

A while back, I had the (unfortunate) opportunity to meet up with the head of an exciting new Start-Up. We were talking, and it seemed to be going well, until he found out I had kids. Then with a frown on his face, he explained the company culture was such, that they were in the office most days from 9am – 9pm. Now, I’m no stranger to working late, I used to work in Advertising, and I’ve done my fair share of overtimes. Not too long ago, I was 8 and 2/3 months pregnant and at my clients office at 1am to oversee the launch of the iPhone 6s. But the way he phrased it, made me a little annoyed.

So, I explained, that I do not mind staying back when there are things to be done, but (this is 2016 afterall) most of our work revolves around the internet (which I have at home), so if for some reason I needed to leave before 9PM, I could carry on work from home.

Then, he said something, that I could not believe….

“You are interesting, but not for now, maybe in 4-5 years, when you feel like ‘hey, maybe 2 kids is enough’ we can talk again.”

Then as if to make me feel better.
“Don’t worry, different people have different goals

Honestly, if I followed my motherly instincts or my natural PMS-ridden aggression, I would have smacked his smug face. But I am, after all, a professional, so I said Thank You for their time, and left.

Sure, I was angry, but I was also disappointed. When I’m upset, I Google.

I found that A survey of 2,000 mothers has revealed 51% feel their employers’ and colleagues’ attitudes changed when they became pregnant, with one in four believing they have been subject to discrimination before or after the birth of their child, and one third stating things had been “difficult” since returning to work and they had been overlooked for promotions because of their new responsibilities.

Unfortunately, I do find this somewhat true. Although my current employers were extremely supportive, back in 2011, when I found out I was having my first child, I was simply told, that if I could not be with the team, during our long working days and nights, that I should resign, because it was ‘UNFAIR’ to the team. And I actually resigned. I was young, naive, frankly rather stupid for letting them make me feel bad for wanting to bring another human being into this world.

So I share this story with you, colleagues, mothers, and all future mothers, to know your rights. Stand up for yourself, being a mother doesn’t make your career any less valuable. Because now you aren’t just working for yourself. You are working for something greater.

The Last Time

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From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them
and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.

One Last Time.

-Stole this off Facebook because it’s just so true.😦

2016 Resolutions

Yes. It’s cliche but i think it’s good to take some time to think about what is important and plan on what we wish to achieve in the coming year. 

Here is my shortlist..

– Learn to eat better. This may mean eating your vegetables (Yuck) but your children are watching you and they notice that you go around all things green.

– Be a better wife. Having two kids who constantly need attention, sometimes i forget about my original big baby. 😏 

– Put down the iPhone/iPad. Because if you can’t put down candycrush soda, how will you get Mahdi to stop watching youtube.

– Be nicer to mama. She means well. I think.

– Drink your MILK! So you can keep making milk for Ms Aurora.

– Do more vectors. Follow @pxlprty to see if i keep this resolution.

– Create an award winning campaign! 

– Travel more. Alone. Together. Or with kids. 

– Exercise. Or at least try to.

– Save money!! 2015 was a terrible year financially.. Here’s hoping that 2016 is a lot better.

That’s all i can think of for now. I’m sure i can add on to the list as the year goes on.
Wishing everyone a Happy 2016. 

Letter to my son #4

Dear Darling Mahdi,
Happy Birthday to you! It’s been a true joy watching to grow and develop your personality this year. 

You are curious, inquisitive, and always open to ideas. I can also see strong leadership qualities in you that i’m sure will only grow with your new role as a big brother.

Unfortunately, you are also flexing some other qualities that scare me. Stubbornness, independence, adventurousness… All these scare me, because i never want you to get hurt. But i guess i need to let you grow up eventually.

We ARE excited that you will soon have your first school day. And i hope you make a ton of friends. 

This year you also learnt that not everyone is nice. Some are mean, and born bullies. I pray you stay strong and not let the haters get you down. Always lean on me and ayah for advice and if you are feeling blue.

Here’s to another great year. 

So much love,

Mama.

Midnight Rant

When someone proclaims ‘I’m an advocate for Breastfeeding’.
It makes me wonder what does that even mean?

Unless you have documentation or are a certified lactation consultant you have no business offering your take on what makes a good mother.

Everyone already knows breastfeeding is good for their babies. And obviously everyone wants their kids to be healthy and give them the best. Unfortunately sometimes people just cant follow thru with the hardships of breastfeeding, and i don’t blame them. It is the HARDEST thing to do, i swear labour contraction is nothing compared to having engorged breast, bleeding nipples and mastitis (ouch).
Personally, I endure breastfeeding, because i feel my kids will benefit from it. But i really feel its not my or anyone else’s place to judge what other mothers want to do with their kids. I’m sure they have debated and have their own reasons to not breastfeed. So all those so called ‘advocates’ should keep their opinions to themselves.
Same goes for those ‘advocates’ for co-sleeping, baby-wearing, holistic, early-weening, organic-know-it-alls.
I’m an advocate for just keeping my mouth shut.
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Big boys and their toys.

The day has come. My precious baby boy is now an active, fast talking,  very soon to be 4 year old!

Where did the time go?

I wanted to do something big for his birthday this year. Since we skipped his birthday last year and went for a holiday instead.

This year, I’m flexing all my creative muscles for a real toddlers birthday party! So exciting.

I’ve been toying around with a couple of themes, but I’ve narrowed down the theme to STAR WARS.9d24dfe80d5f8d971c7749a5018c6959.jpg

Weeeeeeee so excited! Check out my obsessive pinterest board for the ideas i’ve collected.

Sidenote: Who else is excited about #TheForceAwakens?😀

 

Ikea Christmas

This IKEA ad is just the sweetest thing.

It’s a great reminder to me that i need to take some time out of my day to play Or read a book with Mahdi. We all have those moments when we are winding down from a long day at the office, and the last thing you wanna do is play trains.

I really want to be there are my kids, and although i can’t be there all the time, i’d like to make the time i have count for something.

Wife, Mother, Social Media Enthusiast, Graphic Designer and Amatuer Home Maker.