It’s a great reminder to me that i need to take some time out of my day to play Or read a book with Mahdi. We all have those moments when we are winding down from a long day at the office, and the last thing you wanna do is play trains.
I really want to be there are my kids, and although i can’t be there all the time, i’d like to make the time i have count for something.
It has finally happened. My inability to keep my emotions in check has bubbled over to the surface and something that I promised would never happen to me… Happened today.
I cried.. at work. Not about work specifically, but more on the stress that work caused.
Theres so much going on under the surface that it all sort of bubbled over.
So much to deal with in such a short amount of time left to do it in.
THINGS LEFT TO DO.
Pick a effin hospital to give birth in. Since our original plan of going with the DR who delivered Mahdi fell thru. I’ve been stress about this. Private hospitals are waaaayyyy out of our budget and frankly we were not prepared for Plan B.
Putting the crib together… or even some form of nursery for the baby seems impossible right now. Because my house is still a glorified storage room. U’d think we’d be able to find an inch of space for a newborn in this 1600sqft house. sigh.
BUY BABY CRAP. Essentials like a breastpump, a carseat.. honestly i think this baby is gonna have to just survive on hand-me-downs until we get our shit together… seriously, how did everything suddenly become so much more expensive this time around. sigh again.
sort out confinement details. Urut? no urut? I didn’t do it when i had Mahdi… and it’s something i’ve always regretted. But am i ready to part with money i so desperately need? Is it rreeaaaaaallllyyy important? #stressingmeout
Work handover list. dont. even. get. me. started.
Me bursting out to tears every now and then has at least ONE positive outcome. It’s has signalled the husband that he needs to pitch in and help me deal with this stuff. So i’m glad to finally have someone in my corner.
Any parent of a toddler will tell you that it gets really tough.
They are opinionated, stubborn, unwilling to listen and did i mention stubborn? Honestly, where is my sweet adorable baby who used to latch on to every word i spoke? sigh.
Today the battle revolved around food. Meals are a constant struggle in our house. Mahdi’s really picky and practically eats like a bird. sometimes i’m amaze at where he gets his energy from… because it can’t be from the two bites of bread he ate from breakfast, OR the 3 nibbles of noodles he had for lunch. sigh.
Being a parent IS SO HARD SOMETIMES. But insanely worth every aggravating moment.
This pregnancy has been by far the hardest time emotionally for me. Which is a weird and i can’t explain it. Because if you sit down to think about it, I’m so much better equipped to navigate this. WHY?
Because i’ve done this before… you’d think it would be easier. Wrong.
Because i have a better support system now, lots of other moms to talk to… but i feel like they don’t really understand what i’m going through right now. Because honestly, i don’t understand it.
Because i earn way more now then i did when i had Mahdi (because i was unemployed at the time). So why do i feel like i have less?
Because I have a way bigger house now. In fact, almost double the sqft. But why don’t have enough space to put the baby stuff?
I know this all sounds like i’m bragging and complaining at the same time… but i’ve been having sudden meltdowns when i do nothing but sob uncontrollably. And as i said, i can’t even explain what is making me feel this way.
I’m honestly hoping it’s a phase… and i’ll stop feeling like i’m going to explode.