I’m currently losing a battle with myself…
Everyday, i’m looking, therefore feeling more, and more… like a makcik.
Not Makcik like… ‘hi, this is ayesha, my makcik’ but more like… ‘hi, this is ayesha, THE MAKCIK’…
In a effort to please my elders, i have started to dress a certain way… mostly, because it makes them happy, and secondly, i dont really want to argue about style.. because it would be pointless, and lastly, i havent lost my ideal amount of weight since the pregnancy, and frankly, im still wearing most of my maternity clothes.
I feel my self esteem has taken a dive for the worst, i dont feel like going out, because i have nothing to wear, and i dont really want to meet up with people, cuz i feel awkward out there in public.
And now, whenever i do get a chance to shop, i don’t… because i feel pretty things look ridiculous on me. And i feel horrible most of the time…. the only new clothes i get is if people buy them for me, and it’s usually too big, but i wear them anyway….. until one day i realise, to my horror… it has started to fit.
I don’t feel like that confident, funny girl, who bagged this amazing man.. I am not this shy recluse, whos more snide than funny… I am not a MAKCIK. I refuse to go down with out a fight.
So starting today!! Im going to work on losing the FRUMPY-ness…
No more giant BROWN clothes… that look, and feel like burlaps.
No more excuses about not going to the gym…..
No more living like a hermit, and refusing to go out..
I absolutely refuse to feel insecure about how i look anymore… it’s not like me. If i can do something about it, i damn well will do it.
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